


Tadashi is Not Here

by PJLover1551



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Acceptance, Grieving, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 15:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3534773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PJLover1551/pseuds/PJLover1551
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just Hiro grieving and coming to terms with Tadashi's death. Mostly grieving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tadashi is Not Here

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: In no way do I own Big Hero 6. All rights go to the original owner.

Based on [this](http://tadeadshi.tumblr.com/post/102229656785/c-come-back) picture by tadeadshi on tumblr.

 

I always wear my hood up now.

Now that Tadashi is gone.

I don't want to see anyone; don't want them to see me like this.

I clutch at his hat. It's a lifeline when I lose myself to ' _what if_ 's and ' _could've been_ 's.

I decided to go to SFIT because it's what Tadashi would have wanted. That doesn't mean I participate in friendly activity with anyone. When I pass Tadashi's friends in the lab, they wave. I wave back. We don't talk anymore. They gave up after I ignored them for two months. I don't hate them or anything. It's just...hard. They remind me of _him_ all the time. They were _his_ friends after all, not mine. I was the annoying little brother who forced his way into their conversations. I don't talk as often. Or at all, for that matter. Aunt Cass is always reminding me of when I used to _never shut up_. But that was when _he_ was still here. He is not here anymore. He is gone. I think I understand that as much as I can, but the hurt is still there. Just because I understand it doesn't mean I accept it. How long until you stop thinking about it? How long until you stop replaying that stupid moment over and over in your head. How long until it stops hurting? I don't think it ever will.

* * *

 

I wake up from a nightmare. Again. _Tadashi ran into a burning building, but this time he made it out alive! He was recovering in the hospital!_ Those are the worst dreams. They fill me with false hope and flashes of what could have happened. But none of it happens because he's dead. He's not in the hospital, recovering from severe burns. He won't be home after a few weeks of medical treatment. He is not here.

Baymax is a constant reminder that i'm without a brother. I couldn't stand to see him around the house so I took him to my lab. Tadashi's old lab. Aunt Cass tells me I shouldn't let his project go unfinished. I agree. I just can't deal with that right now. It's much too soon. But when is the right time? Is there ever a right time? I have this fear of messing him up. Of changing him from what Tadashi originally wanted. I wouldn't forgive myself if I broke the thing my brother spent so much time creating. Am I being ridiculous? Tadashi would probably say I was. I miss him.

* * *

 

My life is pretty constant for the rest of the semester. It's something that happens during finals week that ultimately breaks my cycle. Gogo asks me out. Not on a date, mind you, but to hang out with the group before the semester is over. I am about to say no when I notice something about her. She has tears in her eyes, and she _never_ cries. I realize that it must have been hard on all of them too, losing Tadashi.  I feel guilty that I haven't been there for them, so I say yes (she's also a persuasive genius). Gogo just pats my shoulder and smiles gently before saying she'll text me about it later. I can't manage a smile back, but I nod slightly in acknowledgement. When she was out of sight, I sigh deeply and rub my face. I want to go home and sleep. Today was different. Different is tiresome.

Talking to Gogo brings back memories. Feelings I had suppressed until I forgot about them. The feeling of belonging. Of having friends to talk to. Casual conversation. I forget that I'm an extrovert because I spend so much time avoiding people. It also brings back memories of Tadashi. Late nights at the lab, talking over takeout. Hearing what crazy stories Fred has come up with. It brings a bitter smile to my face. It hurts to remember him, but I know he'd like that I do. He'd laugh and ruffle my hair. Tell me he's proud I'm acting so mature for once. Tell me he's with Mom and Dad. I choke out a sob at that thought. Tadashi was with me throughout their funeral. I couldn't have survived without him. I don't have him here to help me through his own death. Maybe it's selfish, wanting him to myself. But he's my brother! He's all I have left! I was never as close to anyone as I was him. It hurts so much to think about. I cry myself to sleep.

* * *

 

I am studying for my finals when I get the text from Gogo, asking if everyone can come over for a bit. I think about it for a while, eventually deciding it would ease me back into hanging out with them. Instead of being trapped at a restaurant, I'll be home where I can escape to my room if needed. About an hour later, I hear Aunt Cass calling me downstairs. I trudge my way down the steps and get halfway across the floor before I'm tackled in a hug.

"Oh Hiro, I'm so glad to see you! I've missed you so much!" Honey Lemon gushed, lifting me off my feet before putting me back down and stepping back.

"Hey, what's up little man?" Fred steps forward with a fist bump. I reciprocate.

Wasabi just says "Hiro" with a nod. "Wasabi" I reply with a nod of my own.

Gogo ruffles my hair and pulls me into a one-armed hug. "How you doing Hiro?" Ah, always the straightforward one, she was.

"I'm doing okay. Not the best, but I could be worse right?" I answer honestly. I don't really feel the need to lie. Especially to people I know. She smiles a little at that, probably admiring my honesty.

"Yeah, I guess that's true." Gogo agreed. I always found I could talk easily with her. People say she's good at keeping a calm outward expression, but once you get to know her, it's easy to tell what she's really feeling.

They talked for almost three hours before Hiro started feeling sad again. He sighed absentmindedly and Honey Lemon looked over at him. She stood up and sat down next to Hiro, not saying anything, but the action said enough. _She's here for me; they all are_. And with that thought in mind, Hiro realized he'll be okay even though Tadashi is not here.


End file.
